Child abuse in any form violates a child at their core. It shatters their personality, identity and spirit, which results in a confused and fragmented sense of self. It is the ultimate act of betrayal and abandonment that wounds and scars every fiber of their being. Nothing is left unscathed and this trauma is carried with them for a lifetime. This should be of grave concern to all of us, because these damaged children grow up into adults who teach our children, administer law enforcement, minister to our families and run our governments, etc.

Children who were abused grow into teens and adults that feel flawed, inferior, worthless, hopeless, inadequate, dirty, overwhelmed with deep shame, depressed, anxious, extreme loneliness, helpless and afraid. They have low self-esteem and self-worth, aggression or anger control issues, feel like a failure, are severely lacking in coping and social skills, and have difficulty with intimacy and relationships. They are often unconsciously drawn to partners with similar characteristics as their parents and then reenact the abuse over and over. They experience a constant state of internal deprivation with deep feelings of loss, isolation and emptiness.

It is no wonder that so many victims of abuse turn to drugs and alcohol to feel better. When you don't feel good about yourself there's no motivation to do what's healthy for your body and mind. It seems inevitable they would reach for relief and artificial stimulation through drugs, alcohol, sugar, caffeine, cigarettes, etc.

With so many issues working against them, survivors of abuse literally don't feel capable of functioning in the world. Alcohol and drugs are used as a coping mechanism. It gives them courage when they're afraid; company when they are lonely; a false sense of control and power, which was taken away from them in childhood; it reduces the dysphoria; and anesthetizes the emotional pain. It is also used to keep memories of the abuse from surfacing.

When you don't feel loved, nurtured, connected and worthwhile, this too has a very powerful negative impact on neurotransmitters. Being nurtured is a necessary component to thrive and provides healthy stimulation to neurotransmitters. So although these particular effects of child abuse that we're speaking of at the moment are emotional and spiritual, they are deeply interconnected with the physiological and perpetuate the vicious cycle of damage to brain chemistry.

Additionally, when the survivor of abuse becomes involved in the use and abuse of drugs and alcohol, they usually engage in behaviors that violate their morals and values. This results in deeper feelings of shame, guilt and confusion, which drives them even further into alcohol and drug use to cover up these feelings.

Addicted survivors of abuse who don't address the effects of child abuse and neglect on their adult life are at high risk of relapse or bouncing back and forth between different addictions. When an alcoholic or addict gets sober, all these feelings and memories they've been repressing and "numbing out" come rushing into consciousness. Just because you get sober does not mean you magically develop self-esteem and stop feeling worthless, ashamed, and inadequate, etc. On the contrary, with drugs and alcohol out of the picture, all these negative feelings are magnified. It takes time and work.

Additionally, they don't suddenly know how to handle their anger, practice assertiveness, build healthy intimate relationships or develop effective social skills. They may still blow up when they get angry, can't function in social situations, don't know how to get their needs met and avoid intimate relationships. These things must be learned. Even when survivors of abuse are no longer under the influence of drugs and alcohol, they may still engage in behaviors that are confusing and violate their conducts of behavior with acts like promiscuity or relationships with abusive people. They can't understand why and this incites more feelings of shame and guilt, which may lead to a drink in an attempt to cope.

Since their identity was shattered, never fully developed and/or is deeply attached to their drug and alcohol abuse, when they get sober, they don't really know who they are or how to fit into this world. They feel more fragmented, disconnected and lost, which results in lots of confusion. To have successful recovery with sobriety, there must be a successful recovery of self.