CROWD:  A witch!  A witch!  A witch!  We've got a witch!  A witch!    VILLAGER #1:  We have found a witch, might we burn her?    CROWD:  Burn her!  Burn!    BEDEMIR:  How do you know she is a witch?    VILLAGER #2:  She looks like one.    BEDEMIR:  Bring her forward.    WITCH:  I'm not a witch.  I'm not a witch.    BEDEMIR:  But you are dressed as one.    WITCH:  They dressed me up like this.    CROWD:  No, we didn't... no.    WITCH:  And this isn't my nose, it's a false one.    BEDEMIR:  Well?    VILLAGER #1:  Well, we did do the nose.    BEDEMIR:  The nose?    VILLAGER #1:  And the hat -- but she is a witch!    CROWD:  Burn her!  Witch!  Witch!  Burn her!    BEDEMIR:  Did you dress her up like this?    CROWD:  No, no... no ... yes.  Yes, yes, a bit, a bit.    VILLAGER #1:  She has got a wart.    BEDEMIR:  What makes you think she is a witch?    VILLAGER #3:  Well, she turned me into a newt.    BEDEMIR:  A newt?    VILLAGER #3:  I got better.    VILLAGER #2:  Burn her anyway!    CROWD:  Burn!  Burn her!    BEDEMIR:  Quiet, quiet.  Quiet!  There are ways of telling whether        she is a witch.    CROWD:  Are there?  What are they?    BEDEMIR:  Tell me, what do you do with witches?    VILLAGER #2:  Burn!    CROWD:  Burn, burn them up!    BEDEMIR:  And what do you burn apart from witches?    VILLAGER #1:  More witches!    VILLAGER #2:  Wood!    BEDEMIR:  So, why do witches burn?        [pause]    VILLAGER #3:  B--... 'cause they're made of wood...?    BEDEMIR:  Good!    CROWD:  Oh yeah, yeah...    BEDEMIR:  So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?    VILLAGER #1:  Build a bridge out of her.    BEDEMIR:  Aah, but can you not also build bridges out of stone?    VILLAGER #2:  Oh, yeah.    BEDEMIR:  Does wood sink in water?    VILLAGER #1:  No, no.    VILLAGER #2:  It floats!  It floats!    VILLAGER #1:  Throw her into the pond!    CROWD:  The pond!    BEDEMIR:  What also floats in water?    VILLAGER #1:  Bread!    VILLAGER #2:  Apples!    VILLAGER #3:  Very small rocks!    VILLAGER #1:  Cider!    VILLAGER #2:  Great gravy!    VILLAGER #1:  Cherries!    VILLAGER #2:  Mud!    VILLAGER #3:  Churches -- churches!    VILLAGER #2:  Lead -- lead!    ARTHUR:  A duck.    CROWD:  Oooh.    BEDEMIR:  Exactly!  So, logically...,    VILLAGER #1:  If... she.. weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood.    BEDEMIR:  And therefore--?    VILLAGER #1:  A witch!    CROWD:  A witch!    BEDEMIR:  We shall use my larger scales!  |